


Bearing It (So You Don't Have To)

by sassqueenblake



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Grieving!Clarke, Hurt/Comfort, Minor Character Death, Modern AU, comforting!bellamy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-22
Updated: 2018-12-22
Packaged: 2019-09-24 10:27:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17098880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sassqueenblake/pseuds/sassqueenblake
Summary: Clarke was a planner. She organized her life and planned events accordingly. Everything was always within her control, and she knew exactly where she was headed in life. But she never saw this coming. It hit her right between the eyes before she even had time to blink, and now she was utterly lost.





	Bearing It (So You Don't Have To)

Clarke was a planner.

She organized her life and planned events accordingly. Everything was always within her control, and she knew exactly where she was headed in life.

But she never saw this coming. It hit her right between the eyes before she even had time to blink, and now she was utterly lost.

A week ago, everything was perfect. Clarke was at the top of her class as a senior, well on her way towards a full-ride scholarship to Harvard Medical where she would follow in her mother's footsteps at becoming a neurosurgeon. She had a close group of friends that loved her and were always up for a good time. Her parents loved her, supported her; they were a perfect, happy family. Jake and Abby were even in the process of planning a family trip to Europe for the summer before Clarke moved to Boston in the fall. 

A week ago, everything in Clarke's life fell apart.

She was still at the top of her class. She still had the road paved out before her to Harvard. She still had a great group of friends. But the trip to Europe wasn't a reality anymore. Clarke really wasn't sure what reality even was anymore.

Jake Griffin had been on his way home from work, having had to stay late to finish up a major project with a strict deadline. He was five minutes away from home, stopped at a street light that had just turned green. He never made it through the intersection, though. A distracted driver was too busy replying to a text when they ran the light, crashing into the driver side of Jake's car, killing him instantly.

* * *

_The overcast sky reflected the gloom that hung in the air around the graveside ceremony. It was a stark contrast to the bright green grass that innumerable headstones stood erect from. Clarke and Abby were surrounded by their friends and closest family. All of Clarke’s friends were there, paying their respects to a man most of them had known since they were kids. After the ceremony, they each shuffled past Abby and Clarke, offering their condolences. Raven gave her a teary-eyed smile before squeezing her shoulders tightly, promising to come over when Clarke felt up to it._

_Clarke wasn’t able to form a verbal response. She simply nodded her thanks._

_Monty and Jasper each murmured an apology, avoiding her eyes and being as strong as they could for her._

_Octavia Blake, Clarke's oldest friend, clenched her jaw against the emotion rising in her throat as she approached the blonde. Clarke could see the tears welling up in Octavia's green eyes, and she felt her own start to burn with a fresh wave. Octavia clutched Clarke in her arms, surprising the older girl with her strength._

_"I'm so sorry," Octavia whispered against Clarke's curls. "He was a great man and a great dad. He loved you..._ _so much._ _"_

_Clarke let a soft sob escape her lips at Octavia's words and felt hot tears roll down her pink cheeks. Octavia released her slowly and took a step back._

_"If you guys need anything, let me know," Octavia looked between the two women. "I'll come by later this week."_

_Abby thanked the younger Blake with a soft smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. Clarke had just turned from Octavia when the elder Blake had stepped up to Clarke._

_Bellamy Blake had never been one of Clarke's favorite people, but she had tolerated him for years because he was Octavia's big brother. Clarke would have been lying to herself if she didn’t admit that she liked Bellamy, even though as they had gotten older, Bellamy had gotten more opinionated, and so did Clarke. They both tended to find more things to fight about than have in common, which aggravated Octavia to no end. Both Bellamy and Clarke were trying to come to a truce, if only for O's sake, but it was a definite challenge at times. Despite being a huge pain in Clarke’s butt, she still respected and cared for Bellamy._

_He had combed his usually unruly curls back for the occasion, wearing a white dress shirt with a dark blue tie hung loosely about his collar. He stepped hesitantly towards Clarke, as if he wanted to say something yet was unsure how to go about it. Clarke saw him visibly swallow several times before he reached out a hesitant hand to her arm, resting it gently there. Clarke nearly gasped at the softness of the motion. Bellamy was never usually this soft or tender towards her, and she wasn’t sure how to take it. She had only ever imagined what it would be like for him to have a soft side with her, and it seemed that she was finding out._

_Clarke searched Bellamy’s face to try to make sense of his actions, but his eyes refused to meet hers. She understood that he was doing what he could to comfort her, but she was still confused as to why he would care so much. Slowly, Bellamy lifted his dark eyes to meet her bright ones._

_The compassion Clarke saw and felt in his gaze jolted her, causing her breath to hitch before she felt more tears burning in her eyes. Her face crumpled, and immediately Bellamy opened his arms to her, allowing her to fall into him. Clarke wrapped her arms around his waist, gripping him so tightly Bellamy could hardly take a breath._

_He knew what it was like to lose a parent. He had never known his dad, but he had lost his mom to cancer when he was eighteen. He had witnessed Jake and Clarke over the years, had seen their closeness, and he could only imagine the loss she was feeling right now._

_Bellamy’s lips pressed to a thin line as he brought a hand to stroke her blonde waves gently. “I’m sorry, Princess.”_

_Clarke usually hated the nickname, having stemmed from unrelenting teasing over the years, but she found it oddly comforting and familiar in the fog of despair she currently found herself in._

_“You guys were close, and anyone could see how much he loved you,” Bellamy murmured softly near her ear. “He’ll always be with you, Clarke.”_

_Clarke’s cries had softened slowly as Bellamy words washed over her, bathing her in warm reassurance._

* * *

Clarke’s mind came back to her as she lay curled up in bed, her eyes rimmed with red and her throat torn from her cries.

She sat up in bed slowly, rubbed the dried salt from her eyes, and sighed softly. She hadn’t really left her room much in the past two days; only when she needed food or to use the bathroom, and it had taken its toll. Her room was practically untouched, but her personal appearance was haggard to say the least. Her hair was a matted mess about her shoulders and she hadn’t changed her clothes since the night before. Now, with the evening sun slipping beneath the horizon outside her window, she couldn’t bring herself to get up and shower, despite knowing she would feel half-way human again if she did.

A soft knock sounded from her door, and Clarke turned towards the noise.

Clarke swallowed thickly, hoping to sound somewhat human. “Come in.”

Abby Griffin slowly opened the door, her brown hair hanging limply about her face. She looked slightly more put together than Clarke did currently, but the loss of her husband had still taken a noticeable toll on her small frame. Her brown eyes seemed to have sunken into her face, making her already sharp cheekbones even more prominent.

Abby gave her daughter a soft smile before speaking. “Someone’s here to see you. Do you feel up to it?” Abby’s voice was quiet when she spoke, and Clarke had to strain to hear her.

Clarke swallowed once more before nodding softly. “Yeah, it’s okay.”

Abby turned behind her and gave a small nod to whomever was standing outside Clarke’s room. Her mother took a step back before turning and walking back downstairs as a head of dark curls appeared in her doorway.

Clarke’s friends had been vigorous in making sure that she and Abby wanted for nothing following the funeral. Octavia, Raven, and Monty had come over every day since to make sure that they both were eating and sleeping enough, but the last person Clarke ever expected to make a house call was Bellamy Blake.

He walked into the room, his hands tucked into his back pockets, and a soft smirk tugging at his lips.

“Hey, Princess.” He greeted softly. There it was again. The familiarity and newfound comfort that nickname now brought her, only when coming from Bellamy.

“Hey, Bellamy.” She muttered, managing a small smile to slightly brighten her features.

“How are you holding up?” Bellamy asked gently, still standing beside her bed. He could see that she was a mess. Her hair was everywhere; it would probably take days to brush it all out, and her eyes were red and puffy. Her bedroom smelt stale, as if she hadn’t opened a window or the door in at least a day.

Clarke opened her mouth to give one of the standard responses to that incredibly annoying question. _“I’m fine,” “Doing alright,” “As best as I can, I guess.”_

But all of those responses felt wrong because they weren’t true. Clarke truly didn’t know how she was doing, and she could placate her friends with those responses, but she knew Bellamy would see right through it. Plus, she didn’t really want to sugarcoat things with him at the moment. He had already given her a moment of solace, allowed her a moment of weakness in his arms at the graveside, so she figured there wasn’t a point to attempting to lie to him about it.

“I don’t know,” She whispered brokenly, her eyes meeting his. “I don’t know how I’m doing, Bell.”

Bellamy saw just how lost Clarke Griffin was in that moment. He could see just how much the loss of her father was affecting her, and it made his gut clench. His jaw clenched as he remembered his own feeling of loss when his mom passed, and his heart went out to the blonde before him.

“Can I?” He gestured to the bed, and Clarke nodded.

He sat down beside her and instinctively wrapped his arms around her thin frame. She felt so small, so fragile, so weak. Those were words that no one would have ever used to describe Clarke Griffin, especially not Bellamy Blake. She was always strong, in control, and confident in everything she did. She was there for both him and Octavia when their mom died. She was there for Raven when she got emancipated and had to start from practically nothing. She was always there for her friends, and even though Bellamy knew she was being cared for in return in her time of need, Clarke didn’t know how to handle not being in control of her life.

Clarke’s arms wrapped around him and her hands pressed into his back, burning his skin with the contact. As much as he hated admitting it, Clarke Griffin had an effect on him. His mind shouldn’t have been wandering to his thoughts of attraction when he was there to comfort Clarke, but he couldn’t really help it. He cared about her, but he didn’t think she’d ever reciprocate those feelings, especially now.

Clarke laid her head against his shoulder gently, taking a deep breath. A wave of calm came over her as she welcomed the warm, steady presence that Bellamy provided her. She never would have pictured this: being comforted by the one person who always knew how to get under her skin. But at the same time… it didn’t exactly surprise her. Looking back, she recalled the brief moments she would catch Bellamy gazing at her and the emotion she couldn’t quite place in his dark eyes.

“You’re warm.” She commented quietly, a small smile forming on her face.

She felt Bellamy chuckle beneath her and placed her arms around him more firmly, securing him to her.

“Glad I’m good for something, Princess.” Bellamy murmured, his hand coming up to rest at the back of her neck, his thumb tracing comforting circles on the taut muscles there.

“When did you get so good at this?” Clarke blurted, her eyes still closed against his shoulder.

She felt Bellamy sigh, his heartbeat speeding up against her chest. “I just know what it’s like, Clarke… losing a parent. When Mom died… Yeah, I had O, but it wasn’t the same, it wasn’t what I needed. And yeah, we both had you, but you and I weren’t really at that level back then. We argued like crazy, and we still do, but it was just bad back then, you know?”

Clarke nodded against his shoulder, her eyes now open as she listened to him speak.

“I had to be the strong one for O and for myself. I had to take on my second job at the shop and take care of all the red tape with Social Services to make sure O stayed with me. I’m not saying I don’t appreciate everything you did for the both of us, because I do,” He took a deep breath, and Clarke could perfectly see the emotion on his face without having to look. “O is my little sister, and we were both grieving. I needed someone who could just be strong for me and let me break down when I needed to, so I wanted to make sure that you weren’t without that like I was.”

Clarke shuddered a breath before she pulled back to look up at him. The intensity she found in his eyes surprised her, and she felt a newfound appreciation for the man in her arms. She could see the severity of his words and the genuine concern he had for her wellbeing within his fierce gaze. It was as if he was trying to convince her, by any way possible, that he was serious and that he would be there.

Clarke felt her throat constrict as several emotions crashed into her. Gratitude for his physical presence, humility for his thoughtfulness, and love for the depth of his words and actions.

“Thank you,” Clarke rasped. “I’m sorry that you didn’t have that when you were dealing with everything after Aurora. Like you said, we weren’t anywhere near friends back then, but I still should have tried more for you.”

Bellamy’s mouth quirked up into a half-smile, his eyes sad. “I wouldn’t have been very welcoming of your support, Clarke, you know that. I would have made some comment about it, you would have gotten defensive, and then we would have just had a big blow up. It would have done more damage than good, even though your intention may have been in the right place… my pride would have ruined it. It worked out how it was supposed to, Princess.”

“You still should have had someone there,” Clarke whispered, her eyes misting with tears as she imagined this same situation without her mom, without her friends, without Bellamy here, now. She couldn’t fathom the concept that had been Bellamy’s reality. “You shouldn’t have had to do that alone.”

Bellamy’s half-smile widened. “Don’t tell me you’ve come to care about me, Clarke.”

Clarke’s eyes flashed to his, her jaw set. “I always cared, Bellamy.”

Bellamy blinked once, twice. His jaw fell slack, as if he was about to say something, but no words came out.

Clarke sighed and looked at the front of his shirt as she spoke. “We’ve butted heads a lot over the years, and you weren’t my favorite person in the world at first, I can’t deny that. But everything you did, you did for your sister, and I admired you for that, Bellamy.”

She felt his shoulders tense at her words, and his voice reflected the strain she felt beneath her fingertips. She felt his eyes boring down onto her and she couldn’t meet them. “Really?”

Clarke could feel Bellamy holding his breath, as if this moment was about to shatter into a million pieces if he said the wrong thing or moved the wrong way. Clarke’s gaze slid up to Bellamy’s face, but his eyes weren’t on her now. His eyes were fixed on the corner of her room, his jaw clenched, and shoulders rigid. She smiled sadly to herself because he truly didn’t see it.

“You don’t see it, do you?” Clarke asked.

Bellamy’s gaze faltered and collided with hers. “What is there to see, Clarke?”

Clarke winced at the implication behind those words. “Bellamy,” Clarke began softly. “You care so much about the people in your life. You have such a big heart, Bellamy; you being here is proof of that. You’re the best big brother Octavia could have ever asked for, and even though she might not see everything you do for her, I do. You love her so much, and you’ve always done the best you could for her. That’s who you are.”

Clarke watched the emotion in Bellamy’s eyes transform from self-loathing to understanding to tenderness as she spoke to him. Clarke meant every word and was determined for him to know it.

“I came over here to make sure you were okay, and now here you are, comforting me.” Bellamy murmured, the tenderness still evident in his eyes.

“Well, just consider it making up for lost time.” Clarke smiled up at him.

Bellamy chuckled at that, gratitude resonating through his entire being. When his laughter died, he brought his hands to either side of Clarke’s face, his thumbs stroking her cheeks gently. “Thank you, Princess.”

Clarke was surprised by the intimacy of the gesture, as well as the lack of space between them. Her gaze flickered over his features, finding nothing but softness there. She gave him a small, reassuring smile. “Anytime, Bell.”

His eyes flickered over her face before landing briefly on her lips. Clarke saw where his eyes landed and nervousness bubbled up inside her stomach. Her eyes never faltered from his, but Bellamy sensed her hesitation instantly.

“Clarke?” Bellamy whispered cautiously.

“Yeah.” She whispered back, afraid to break the energy humming between them.

“Do you want me to go?” He whispered back.

Clarke’s brows furrowed. “No,” She replied immediately. “Don’t leave me, please.”

Bellamy saw the panic rising in Clarke’s eyes as her breathing hitched. “Okay, I’m not going anywhere, Princess.”

Clarke relaxed in Bellamy’s arms again, her hands coming up to grasp his hands still framing her face. “Thank you.”

Bellamy followed her face with his eyes, not missing even the tiniest detail. He saw how her eyes closed and how her shoulders fell in relief, he felt her sigh beneath his hands, and he saw the comfort that flooded her features. Bellamy knew that this wasn’t the right time. Clarke was grieving and wouldn’t be thinking clearly, but a part of him couldn’t bring himself to heed that wiser voice in his head. Bellamy couldn’t pretend anymore. He and Clarke had been the most honest with each other tonight than they ever had been before, and he didn’t want that to change. There was no going back from the progress and the newfound comfort they had found in each other, and Bellamy feared that if he didn’t act now, he might never work up the nerve to.

“Clarke,” Bellamy murmured. “Look at me.”

Clarke’s eyes remained closed, but a small crease appeared between her brows.

“Princess, please.” Bellamy coaxed gently.

Clarke’s eyes fluttered open and collided with Bellamy’s brown orbs. They stayed there, staring into each other’s eyes, searching for the answers to unspoken questions that hung heavy between them. A thrum of energy passed from Bellamy’s hands resting on either side of Clarke’s face straight into her chest. Clarke caught her breath, waiting to see what he would do.

Bellamy licked his lips slowly, his eyes glancing down to her lips nervously. Clarke felt a small smile tugging at the corner of her mouth.

“Just do it, already.” She whispered, her breath ghosting across his face.

Bellamy smirked softly at her teasing and arched a brow at her before he moved minutely closer to her. Then he stopped.

Clarke raised her eyebrows at his pause, and Bellamy sighed. He clearly wanted to kiss her, but something was holding him back.

“What is it?” Clarke asked gently.

Bellamy took several seconds to find the right words before he spoke. “Clarke, I want to. I really do, but I don’t want to do something that you’ll end up regretting,” Bellamy’s eyes fell before he continued. “This is important to me, Clarke. I just want it to be important for you, too.”

Clarke could hear the sentence he didn’t say. _I don’t want to be a mistake._

“Bellamy,” Clarke reached up to cup his face in her hands, forcing his eyes back onto hers. “This is important to me. I meant what I said: I’ve always cared. I’ve wanted this for a long time. I just thought I would always be your little sister’s best friend, but I want to be more than that.”

“You are.” Bellamy answered without hesitation. Before Clarke could say anything else, Bellamy had closed the short distance between them. Bellamy brushed his lips against hers with more reverence than Clarke had ever felt before. They had both wanted this for so long, and that longing was reflected in their first kiss.

“You are so much more.” Bellamy whispered against Clarke’s mouth, sending a shiver down her spine. After a few seconds, the kiss turned more desperate. Bellamy slid a hand down around Clarke’s waist, pulling her even closer to him, to which she hummed in response. Clarke felt the heat of Bellamy’s breath against her mouth as he softly ran his tongue along her bottom lip, pleading for entrance. Clarke granted it to him, and their tongues tangled together, battling for dominance much like their relationship. Bellamy had kissed plenty of girls in his life, yet none could compare to kissing Clarke Griffin. She was the perfect blend of salty and sweet, her mouth tasted _so good_ , and her lips were perfectly soft against his own. A part of Clarke wanted to fight Bellamy, to outdo him in whatever way she could, but another part of her simply wished to succumb to his control. She let him take charge over the kiss, their mouths meeting in a mess of lips, teeth, and frantic breaths before they finally broke apart for air.

Clarke couldn’t seem to find her voice for several seconds. She pushed the hair out of her face and smiled at Bellamy. “That was…amazing.”

Bellamy was smirking, but his eyes shown with sincerity. “Agreed, Princess.”

Clarke rolled her eyes, a sign to Bellamy that Clarke was slowly on her way back to being herself again. “You really need to come up with a better nickname.”

“Why? Princess suits you.”

Clarke chuckled, relenting. Her eyes scanned her bedroom over Bellamy’s shoulder, her smile fading slowly from her face. Bellamy saw the immediate change in her mood, and began to fear that she was already beginning to regret the kiss.

“Clarke, if you’re having second thoughts…” Bellamy began.

“Shut up,” Clarke chided lightly. “That’s not it, Bellamy. Just… Thank you.”

Bellamy’s eyes softened as he looked down at the blonde before him. “You don’t have to do this alone, Clarke.”

Clarke gave him a small smile, assuring him that there was hope. Hope for her to be whole again one day, hope that there was a future between them. But most importantly, Clarke had hope in her life because of the strong, constant presence that held her safely within his arms. Bellamy Blake was her hope, and with him by her side, there was nothing they could not do together.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! I am so sorry that I haven't been updating anything or posting any new content. Adulting is hard work, plus moving to another state is just a huge adjustment that has taken a while. I am hoping to start getting some more content ready to go for you guys. I would love to get a multi-chapter fic rolling, but I'm lacking on the inspiration for one at the moment, so one-shots will have to suffice for now.
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed this! I started this fic yesterday, and it just kept going and going and before I knew it, I had over 4,000 words. So I hope that a lengthy one-shot will tide you guys over until I'm able to get some more stuff written and posted. As always, I love you all and appreciae your support more than you know!
> 
> No beta. Any and all mistakes are my own.


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